July 26, 2010

Single-Sentence Film Synopses IV: The One Where It Starts to Suck

by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third

magnolia.jpgMagnolia is about how it's not going to stop/ it's not going to stop/ it's not going to stop/ 'til you wisFROGS.

Avatar is about blue space cats killing mecha George Bush by having hair-sex with a tree.

District 9 is Avatar but not stupid.

The Princess Bride is the funniest, coolest movie ever to have a title that makes the cashier at Blockbuster look at you like you're a pedo.

Daredevil is mostly about Ben Affleck getting beaten up, yet is still very difficult to enjoy.

Continue reading "Single-Sentence Film Synopses IV: The One Where It Starts to Suck" »

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July 18, 2010

The ISS Takes On: The 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos

by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third

New to Juggalogy? You can peep last year's article right here, ninja!

Dr. Puppykicker: Oh I'm back. And so are they.

KOPhD: We pretty much had to come out of hibernation for this.

Vicious commentary after the jump.

Continue reading "The ISS Takes On: The 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos" »

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June 30, 2010

On Hiatus

by The Villain High Council

Several people have contacted us about the lack of new content here on the site.

In short, we don't have time for it anymore. After a lull where we decided to take a turn away from evil toward making fun of movie trailers and laughing at our own kind, we have decided to focus our energies toward more evil endeavors.

The ghostwriter of our still-available book has started a new site of his own titled High-Minded BS and continues to write for The Bureau Chiefs.

Our archives will remain here to poison your minds.

Keep your eyes open.

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May 26, 2010

Villainy's Greatest Moments: Electro Clears Out the Raft

by The Cannibalistic Vegan

New_Avengers_01.jpgWho: Electro

What: Breaking 42 Supervillains out of the Raft.

When: January 2005

Where: The New Avengers #1

Why its a great moment: The Raft was a maximum-maximum security prison made for supervillains. The place was swarming with S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, including a few super-powered ones. The inmates were kept in solitary behind steel and adamantium cells under water with their powers neutralized. Plus, they were drugged for shits and giggles.

Despite the billions of dollars in technology and the presence of sixty-seven S.H.I.E.L.D. officers, Spider-Woman, Luke Cage and Daredevil, Electro managed to bust in and release everyone. He does so looking oh so fabulous, too. I never understood why he wears that green and yellow eyesore of a costume, but now I know its because its the only outfit loose enough to comfortably fit his enormous balls.

He came for one prisoner in particular, but frees them all. He says they owe him huge but doesn't really collect, which is kind of the villain equivolent of saying "pay it forward, bitches!" The breakout is such a pain in the ass that The Avengers have no choice but to reform after disbanding six months previously. Catching the 42 escapees becomes the major plots for the next few months, in every Marvel title.

But wait, there's more.

Some of those convicts hide out in Stamford, CT next to a school. New Warriors try to catch them, and 600 people are killed in a firey explosion by Nitro in the process. This leads to superhero registration, which leads to the Civil War, which leads to the death of Captain America.

But that's not all.

The guy Electro sprung from the Raft was a Skrull. The people who hired him, were Skrulls. A number of those prisoners, Skrulls. What did all these Skrulls do when they got together on the outside? Secret Invasion of the Earth.

One more thing. The Civil War gave Norman Osborn, The Green Goblin, control of The Thunderbolts. The Secret Invasion put Osborn in charge of S.H.I.E.L.D. With this power shift Osborn controls the Dark Avengers, Dark X-Men, Thunderbolts and H.A.M.M.E.R. a time known as Dark Reign.

Electro's costume may look like something Elton John turned down, but in a way he's responsible for most of the major events in the Marvel Universe over the last five years.

And for that, we salute him

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May 11, 2010

The ISS Takes on: Alexa von Tobel

by The Villain High Council

vontobel.jpg

Over the weekend, the Huffington Post posted this little gem of real world advice by a Manhattan CEO to inform people of a great way to save money in their daily routine.

The trick, you see, is to use stuff you bought at the grocery store.

(Side note: The Huffington Post has apparently now taken the post down, presumably because it was saving readers too much money and the sponsors were getting upset.)

But now that writer Alexa von Tobel has released readers from the shackles of financial burden, what advice can she now provide to the uninformed non-CEOs of the world?

We just happen to have some column ideas for her:

Continue reading "The ISS Takes on: Alexa von Tobel" »

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May 7, 2010

Alternate Careers for When the Justice League Closes Down, Part 2

by The Cannibalistic Vegan

unemployment-line.jpg

Plastic Man: The Great and Powerful Oz

Notable Skills: Shapeshifting, seemingly indestructable.

Why it's perfect: The land of Oz is a multicolored dream land with talking animals, walking bushes and the people are ruled by a conman who told them he was magic. Seriously, nobody questioned his authority for a long time either. They just took his word for it.

The wizard had a few tricks, he changed shapes and had had a balloon and stuff. But in the end he was just a humbug. Plastic Man can do that, and has the added advantage of being able to kill everybody in the city if they try and call his bullshit. He's nuts too. Crazy + Powerful = Hilarious! Should the mood strike him the entire Emerald City could be gone with crazy cartoon violence, you know, like as a joke.

So if the people of Oz liked an insane dictator who pretends to shapeshift and flies around in a balloon, they're going to love their new insane dictator who can shapeshift into a balloon!

Second Choice: Harlem Globetrotter

Continue reading "Alternate Careers for When the Justice League Closes Down, Part 2" »

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May 4, 2010

The ISS Takes on: Minimalism

by The Villain High Council

If you've been paying attention to the nerd internet for the past I don't know how long, you will have come across the nerd design fad of the moment: Minimalism. Movie posters, album covers, book covers, ads for products, TV logos, everything, it seems, should be done with as little there as possible.

What's it look like, you say? Well, here's a recent example from ComicsAlliance.com of some minimalistic re-done movie posters.

"But aren't those just hastily thrown together colors and shapes run through a Photoshop filter with some text put on there?" you ask. "And aren't the Batman and Catwoman ones exactly the same?"

Well, clearly you don't understand, man.

And we felt like we needed to get in on the action! Enjoy!

minimalism.jpg

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May 2, 2010

May 2010 Movie Preview, Part 1

by The Villain High Council

May 7

Iron Man 2

What it's about: Innocent billionaire industrialist playboy Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) just wants to spend a nice quiet evening with his group of dancers that dress up in costumes that resemble the cybernetic explosion-making suit he made for himself. But then some Russian dude (Mickey Rourke) with some kind of a problem with Stark having made all kinds of weapons and shit fucks up his racecar! Man, it is on now!

What to expect: For a powerful, moving story about responsibility for the mistakes of one's past, punctuated with poignant AC/DC songs.

Babies

What it's about: Babies.

What to expect: Babies.

Continue reading "May 2010 Movie Preview, Part 1" »

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